Balancing Between Me And Another Scene

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Well, in my life I just saw seven french tightrope-dancers playing theatre. I dream to learn to make my poetry become stories for some scene performance, which would be a good new step for me... to try to make fantasy function in reality.

Well, in a way I'm less in tune with feeling, if we by "feeling" mean ordinary feelings that ain't intermixed with something else, such as pure anger, pure sadness, pure happiness and so on.
But I still FEEL that I'm in tune with feeling as an energy. I experience everyday, all the time, that I'm becoming curious or apathetic, fearful or satisfied, by whatever I do. Or even more BEFORE (or after) I've done it...!!

Well, I'm "never in need of" looking at one certain subject to experience a world to think about /have feelings for. I just take a glimpse outside my window and then there's immediately a whole puzzle to make a picture of, or a whole picture to make a puzzle of ;-)

Well, I think I can feel what you mean! The narrow mind who's focusing on oneself... However in my view this all depends on how wide-eyed ones picture of oneself is... If you, the really total you, not only your body, if You are almost as eternal as God, then there's more than enough to understand by focusing on yourself, since it's not only yourself. And God becomes not smaller or less important in my eyes when I'm becoming bigger or more important. And other people grows also similar to me growing in my eyes. I mean if I really am so good and eternal, then God must be incredibly much more.......

Well, I'm also trying to find the most beautiful girl in the world (or anyone of them, or two). Did you happen to see her? Nice little one on your profile-picture! Is she you? :-) Maybe you have made her?

Well, more and more often my life takes the shape of "existential depression". However, at the same time, I can switch fast from depressiveness to deep excitement. As it seems I find more and more meaningful ways of knowing the world. So, my main source for such a split could even be pure stress. How will I manage to get time to study all I would want to!?? No reason to do anything at all. How unfair of God he only lets me choose one or two ways right now.......


Well, I could say something more like this, but I've already told it too many very times, even if not exactly to you!!

Well, I got messages from all over the world and had a hard time answering instead of just questioning and storytelling. However now they seemed to have ceased... Can this be because I've almost stopped to ask new questions, afraid of not having time to anwer the answers?

Well, in an aspect your suspiscion is right! I reacted very strongly for some minutes, fearful and something between angry and sad. Then I let the waves of this vibration effect my mind and body negatively for the next hour. But it was not negative at all. I realised you're quite right about my relation to life being cold, maybe even too ego-centered, not classically egoistic but not either really caring here and now for others in practical life! Whether my intentions is to continue be like I am or not is another bigger question....... My immediate fear also was the same as yours : you not wanna communicate with me anymore... I was not angry/sad at all that you said what you said. I liked it very much!! To try to see/feel how right or wrong you were. However, true words aren't negative or hurting by themselves, even if you had meant them. You care so wonderfully much about others and their feelings that you a bit too often think you have hurt them. But humans hurt themselves all the time, and we only use our friends words as a possible reason/source to feel bad. [Maybe this also is a bit cold, ego-centered view of mine...].




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